Lists  Reviews  Images  Update feed
MoviesTV ShowsMusicBooksGamesDVDs/Blu-RayPeopleArt & DesignPlacesWeb TV & PodcastsToys & CollectiblesComic Book SeriesBeautyAnimals   View more categories »
Listal logo
All reviews - Movies (20) - TV Shows (1)

Taken review

Posted : 12 years, 7 months ago on 19 February 2011 09:52 (A review of Taken)

AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH! How could Liam Neeson agree to something so fricking terrible?!?!?!

Let's try to completely ignore the fact that, once again, they speak English without any communication problems all over the world. We'll even ignore the fact that at one point, he is IN FRANCE belittling Albanians for being immigrants...in ENGLISH!

How about the rest of the plot. Dad saves girl after 72 hours of capture into a sex slave ring where her friend has died of an overdose, and the daughter is still miraculously a virgin, who requires no therapy whatsoever because apparently, they must have only drugged her friend, right?

How, exactly does the dad get on a plane and enter into the United States after killing more that a dozen men and having to escape from the French police so many damn times? Did anyone ask themselves that?

This movie was laughable. Countless times, after listening to his threatening soliloquies, I really wanted to be a voice over for one of the characters that said something like "I'm an Albanian in France...I don't SPEAK ENGLISH! If you want me to be afraid, LEARN FRENCH OR ALBANIAN!

0 comments, Reply to this entry

The Last Airbender review

Posted : 12 years, 8 months ago on 3 February 2011 04:35 (A review of The Last Airbender)

A child prohesied to save the world by using the ability to bend all four basic elements and defeat the Fire Kingdom, who have taken advantage of a hundred year lull in law enforcement activity to pull a corporate takeover of the rest of the world. Now if you can read that sentence all in one breath, you just may be the last airbender.

I love this story line and I love the animated series, and so I cannot rate this below five stars. Sadly though, this is another case of finding the worst child actor in existence and giving him a lead part. Less than halfway through, I was already hoping that one of the water bending exersizes would backfire and the Last Airbender would drown in his own stream!

The other two didn't deliver as much as they should have either, but I'm pretty sure that had something to do with the fact that the screen writers couldn't write their way out of a box.

Still, I have to allow for a bit of positivity. I actually enjoyed Dev Patel's performance as my favorite character in the animated series--prince Zuko. He's a little breath of fresh air...even without a script to back him up.

We shall say nothing of the director, as I would prefer not to follow the crowd of angry torches and pitchforks that began heading toward his front door around about the time the The Happening came out. Now, thanks to his dip into children's movies, it seems that there are little mini torches and toys r us pitchforks at the front of the mob!

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Dorian Gray review

Posted : 12 years, 8 months ago on 3 February 2011 01:34 (A review of Dorian Gray )

Oh, to be able to commit all of the seven deadlies over and over and over again without one thought toward the consequences. To be able to keep the beauty of youth forever. Would it be worth bargaining your soul? According to Mr. Gray, it would be...or at least placing his soul in a portrait that will take on all of the consequences of his actions and the destruction of age while he plummets into the deepest depths of debauchery.

That much of the plotline is based on the Oscar Wilde novel. Unfortunately, Parker seems to also have tried to delve into the dark mind of our protagonist just as well as Wilde does in the novel...with some unsuccessful results. While Ben Barnes is certainly attractive enough to pass as a period piece hearthrob, I just wasn't drawn to any other aspect of his character.

I expected a spark in the eyes of a young naive boy--enough of a spark to make an artist fall in love with him and put himself into a painting! I didn't get it. I expected a man so totally absorbed inside himself and his pleasure that nothing around him mattered. What I got instead were corny slow motion flashes of orgies. I expected the torture of the years of greif that haunted him to show in the actors face, and instead, I was given a lot of shots of Barnes trying on different supermodel faces. I just couldn't feel for this character at all.

All in all, I'm giving it 5 stars for being originally from Oscar Wilde, and for showing us some literature on the big screen, but I'm also going to suggest that Mr. Barnes sticks to making the films that don't require deep thought...keep that pretty face free from wrinkles.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

No Country for Old Men review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 07:16 (A review of No Country for Old Men)

I initially gave this film only six stars. The calm, cold bloodedness of Javier Bardem's character made me change it to eight. Anton Chigurh stepped roughly from the pages of Cormac McCarthy's novel, slid into film, and suddenly created some competition in the creepiest villain category. Dr. Lector, watch your back. I know someone who may be coming at it with a compressed air gun.

However, while Bardems performance was...interesting, I found everything else in the movie to be the kind of boring that sucks your soul out through your eyes. I found myself checking my watch every five minutes...and then every two. Then, of course, after waiting WAY too long for an ending, I was left with (drum roll please) Tommy Lee Jones telling us about a fricking DREAM. This movie was saved by the bad guy. They should be thanking him...from a distance.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Legend of the Seeker review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 07:13 (A review of Legend of the Seeker)

Ill be the first to admit that I wasn't expecting much from this series after reading the first two books in the series and experiencing severe disappointment at the author's complete lack of skill. However, after just finishing the first season in a lock all doors don't answer the phone viewing frenzy, Im going to have to admit defeat. This is a wonderful series with tiny new plot threads being weaved every episode, and with the presence of magic, the possibilities are endless. The three main characters are great together, and though the fact that any opportunity the two lovers have to be together is foiled every time, the tension between them does not go past my low tolerance limits for will-they/wont-theys. There is an overabundance of chivalry and nobility included that wouldn't be believable in anything that takes place in the scheme of reality...and steps FAR away from the books, but in this case, I have to say THANK GOD!!! We need a little chivalry, and a writer that knows how to create the little details and reactions that the author isn't skilled enough to do. I'll definitely be watching the second season soon.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Miracle at St. Anna review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 07:05 (A review of Miracle at St. Anna)

How is it possible that in the middle of World War II--with the Americans fighting Nazis, Italians fighting Nazis, Italians betraying Italians, and people killing villages full of innocents--that Spike Lee can find a way to make the only white American soldier in the whole movie the worst, most idiotic character in the whole film? This movie should have been so much better. The story that is behind it is a strong one, and the tragedy could have been felt so much more. What this movie needed was director who wanted to make a good film, and not carry out his own racist personal agenda. Too bad.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

300 review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 07:01 (A review of 300)

Holy abs! If anything else, this film was motivating. I think I ran to the gym directly after watching this and pushed myself to the point of passing out. I'm going to say down with those who complain about the historical accuracy of this film. I'm pretty sure that with all of the monsters that they threw at us viewers from the side of Persia, I was considering this film more fantasy than historical by the time it was even a tenth of the way through. That doesn't mean I loved it any less. The soundtrack went perfectly with a bloody, heartpounding, primordial scream kind of battle that almost had me wishing I was Spartan for a while. The part that amazed me most...that Xerxes, ruler of the enemy hoards was that short little Brazilian guy who appeared in Lost for two episodes! How exactly do they make a monster out of him? Between him and the painted on abs on all of those Spartans, I've got to give this movie an eight for the make-up guys alone!

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Palo Alto, CA review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 06:57 (A review of Palo Alto, CA)

Ladies and gentleman! Its the attack of the cancelled teen shows! Step right up to see the kid off of Boy Meets World team up with his little brother to get some action! Center stage is the two bad boys from Veronica Mars out to prove that theyre still bad boys! And dont miss Lil Miss Perfect from the O.C. trashing her notion of the perfect family in this one! The faces, I recognized, the plot was not the most original, but Im a sucker for a happy ending. It made me smile. I liked it!

0 comments, Reply to this entry

You Don't Mess with the Zohan review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 06:56 (A review of You Don't Mess with the Zohan)

This film is what happens when you mix humor made for five year olds with soft core porn. The fact that the producers actually found an audience for this movie makes me lose faith in American intelligence. I have never been an enormous fan of Adam Sandler, but I have always been able to find some redeeming qualities...or at least one laughable scene in every one of his movies...until now! I give Zohan and his oversized member one star. If I could go lower, I probably would.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Goal II: Living the Dream review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 20 April 2010 06:54 (A review of Goal II: Living the Dream)

This was a wonderful movie made for moderate football (soccer)fans. Raul, Casillas, Zidane, Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos, Beckham, Guti, Salgado...even Florentino himself made his appearance. I just cant imagine how they convinced them all to make this movie. They FAR outshine the story line, but that could just be because I'm a Real Madrid fan. There were only two things that were a bit off putting for me. One, of course, was the conflict the reality vs. movie that anyone might experience if they've grown up watching every Real Madrid game and idolizing Iker and Raul (like I did). The second is the laughable face off between Casillas and (I cant believe I'm even writing this one with a straight face) Nick Cannon...wow. Lost a couple stars for that and for the horrible way that they begin the movie. I almost didnt make it through the first Real vs. Barca scenes. Painful.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

« Prev12 3 Next »